Take Heart

for me the heart is the centre.
it is where I long to make all my choices from.
it is my guide.
so tonight, when i hear of someone close to me experiencing a minor heart attack i feel very moved.
moved to come and write.
i feel this loved one will become healthy again but i’m guessing he’ll be shifted.
i feel shifted.
emotions opened.
reminded of what matters to me.
i have had a lot of posts sitting somewhere in me but a wanting to nail it, has kept me from sitting at this keyboard, this outlet for process.
this week my young family are going gluten and dairy free for 3 weeks and during this process i visited petite kitchen’s site.
i read eleanor’s recent post about being a perfectionistic mum.
i puzzled up she was referring to juggling her blog, making recipes, creating food events, opening a cafe.
but most importantly being a mum.
because her success, her blog, why many follow her is due to her daughter’s reaction to food.
at the heart of her life’s work was/is her daughter and in her post i heard her grieve that her relationship with her children and husband were suffering due to meeting the expectations she feels around her ‘work’.
i was warmed to read her readers’ comments – take a break. we love what you do. we won’t go away. ease up. we don’t expect (a new recipe every week).
i felt them encouraging her to trust, to be humane, to ease, to slow, to love.
a friend told me once, we’ll all realise in some decades, slavery is not dead. all of us working for someone else, we are slaves. slaves to the hours our employers set. conditions. unhappy owned people.
perhaps it goes even beyond this.
slaves to ourselves.
did my loved one’s heart stop?
i have learned i will write and it will not be right.
even though i want to be as or more wise, profound, sensitive, crafted, refreshing as the writers and teachers i meet.
i will write.
i will keep debating with my husband for a large lounge so we can host people, feed them hearty food, laugh together, sit amidst art and under music and near trees and flowers and insects.
i will continue to journey to love myself and practice forgiveness and gratitude for myself and others.
i will look for the fun, the silly, the failed accents, the monster noises, the dress ups, the ice-cream in our porridge.
i will remember it is now that i am living, not after the washing is finished, the run complete, the kids asleep.
i will keep remembering to


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