Go watch ‘I am’ a serious, heartfelt, uplifting documentary by Tom Shadyac, the guy who made the comedy Ace Ventura.
It’s 11pm and I have just swigged my intestine elixir that Erin gifted me. She cut the herbs under a lamp and the light of the moon, and sweetened it with local bees. This green nectar remedy (with secret ingredients) is helping my system clear. I’m telling you this because it all seems fitting with viewing this film tonight. Since taking this tonic i have had recurring dreams early in the morning. The first, my husband and i were in a band with other people we knew, and i was excited about being in something adult and creative with my Jeremy, but we were having technical problems. He was having to be the soundy, and for most of the dream was trying to solve one ‘gear’ problem after the other. Meanwhile I was freaked out that suddenly he may solve all the problems and we’d be on, cos we’d never rehearsed and I actually had no idea what we were going to play/sing.
The next night I’d built a bed, a duvet, pillow on the sand at a place I thought was above the high tide, but gently and quickly a full lapping wave, and another, and they kept coming over top of this ‘safe’,’cosy’ place i wanted to ‘get into’.
I’m not sure why I’m sharing such personal information other than very recently I feel very moved to do so on this platform. I have the desire to be me, and peel back some of the editing, and just share.
I feel it is when we share we find the humane, the connectivity, the empathy, the love.
I share this because evidentally when we move ‘content’ from our intestines, we let go of ‘memories’ and past patterns also.
I feel I could spend every night writing at the moment.
A friend and I decided on the same day but in different houses that writing is my meditation. My practice. My breath. My be.
I have a story of death, unfolding, in my queued posts.
I have a story of pregnancy constipation/gas.
I have a story of schools/education.
I have a bibliography of self-development books and people.
I’m sharing this part, like an accountability statement, a kin with The Whole 30. If I tell someone I’m gonna do something, the likelihood of doing it is stronger. They may hold me to it. Or help me hold me to it.
Most nights I am with one of our 3 children until 9pm helping them find sleep in this sensational summer.
Hence, at the moment much writing is in my mind, rather than with the office keyboard. And that’s ‘juste’. My children feed me on so many levels. The way time is more compact now, helps me to ‘do’ and to be less ‘tidy’ with ideas. More active with producing.
Go watch ‘I am’.
Click here for some quotes and a list of interviewees from this tender and uplifting documentary. But the main theme of invitation I engaged with was
S E P A R A T I O N
I first came across this idea when I read a book lent to me probably close to 7 years ago by Angus St Clair Brown – Krishamurti, “The Awakening of Intelligence”.
” I think one has to understand, not as a theory, not as a speculative, entertaining concept, but rather as an actual fact – that we are the world and the world is us. The world is each one of us, to feel that, to be really committed to it and to nothing else, brings about a feeling of great responsibility and an action that must not be fragmentary, but whole.” (pg 75)
And then again within Eckhart Tolle’s (who studied with Krishnamurti) “The Power of Now”. And a third chapter when pregnant with our Bear Bear and meditating with Ken and Bert on Ohauiti Hill. These wise and exquisite men and their music and sweets told me each Tuesday evening under the black of the night:
W E A R E A L L O N E
Within ‘I am’ Scientists, Writers, Poets, Peace Advocates, Religious Leaders, Historians, Psychologists all find words and stories/evidence to show we are all connected. That there is no separation. That accumulating wealth does not lead to happiness. That giving one small act of generosity, kindness, compassion ripples to communities beyond that directly in our eye’s view. That is another suffers so do we, and if another thrives so do we. We are all one. There is no separation.
My favourite bits are:
the yogurt that ‘reads’ Shadyac’s emotions.
filming the deer and learning they ‘vote’ to which direction to run for water when the 51st percentile looks in a direction, and that’s the drinking station the entire herd canter to.
david suzuki’s words.
lynne mctaggart’s (‘the field’) beauty in blue, and her directness.
Thank you facebook friend whoever you are who recommended I watch ‘I am’ when I asked for viewing suggestions. The next in my queue is ‘The Book of Life’ – it’s going to accompany my ‘post’ and exploration of death.
Within the doco I believe it was the Dalai Lama who said to one woman interviewed (paraphrasing now) “ask yourself, within my talents, my skills, what can I give to the world to make a difference.”
Tonight I arrive at this before the night tips into morning.
Being kind to my children.
Apologising when I behave unkindly or unconsciously. Saying it’s not alright, but that I’m learning too and that everyone makes mistakes sometimes.
Being. Being a Human Be-ing, rather than do-ing, money-ing, future-ing, past-ing.
Hosting parents and their children in our garden.
Creating community events.
Acknowledging who and what is present rather than who and what is missing.
Recognising when something is my life ‘story’.
Allowing my children and husband to see my joyful, clownlike, irresponsible, spontaneous, Mrs green brown nutty PoO POo self.
Suggesting to people Rudey Nudey is a completely unacceptable term in my presence, particularly my children’s. That nude is soul food. Amen. We are the model. Our children are sponges. What thoughts and beliefs do we wish for our children?
Being outside, in nature, ours and everyone’s.
Moving my body with my family.
Being me, in all its vibrancy, totality, potency, shadow, flavours.
3 specific ‘gifts’ i intend to give before summer burns into autumn.
* connect with the teenager who swings for hours in our local park, with his down body and mouth and headphones on
* learn about how to help heal someone after a heart attack
* project ‘I am’ onto our garden wall for gathered friends as part of Neighbours’ Day Aotearoa.
Make that 4.
i am no longer using I but i.
“… to find out if one can live with another in total harmony, in complete accord, so that there is no barrier, no division, but a feeling of complete unity. Because relationship means to be related – not in action, not in some project, not in an ideology – but to be totally united in the sense that the division, the fragmentation between individuals, between two human beings, does not exist at all at any level (pg 76 of Krishnamurti’s ‘The Awakening of Intelligence”).