I am married now. It happened a season before my 36th birthday.
I love being in relation.
I have had multiple chapters of being ‘one’.
The action I missed most in that single time, was being able to treasure someone, do kind things for that other one, give energy to them, share myself.
As I expose these feelings, I find it a tiny bit disturbing to admit I love loving or I missed loving more than I missed being loved.
What the f*** does that mean?
Perhaps that’s because my husband classifies me as an extrovert. This categorisation began about 9 months ago, mostly to explain his own self to my extroverted tendency. Now at random work times he cybers me, links to various cartoons, about the misgivings of an introvert e.g. stop asking me if I’m okay – I’m just an introvert.
When I was ‘one’ I tried various strategies to become ‘more than’.
It doesn’t come naturally to me ‘sit and wait’. I’m the kind of hunter that is on the move. I guess I’m in a hurry, because I feel our time here is so short. This doesn’t always serve me – what does? Always serve someone? Being present. Trusting in the process. Okay okay.
Goodness this story is becoming a therapy sitting.
At one point my ‘oneness’ coincided with a colleague’s. We shared a claustrophobic office which was without windows and floor to ceiling-ed booked. It was…intense. We sat back to back. One unsuspecting day a flyer printed on heavy I’m-not-going-anywhere card ‘appeared’ in our ‘cave’ advertising pink and white diamond engagement rings. Jac and I saw it as a sign. Doh. We bluetacked it to the back of our cave entrance, and decided it was our collective mission to get hitched.
I liked Jac’s style. She said to me, “I’m prepared to go on as many dates as it takes”. Blind ones, set-ups, internet, one’s with friends, mother induced ones. Spread the word.
Her courage (a word that originates from the french word ‘le coeur’ – heart) lifted my game.
I designed my tactics. I mapped:
1) I would give a person 3 goes. Three dates (to clear that up). I recognised a) we all have our bad days b) when we are nervous we can be odd and sometimes repulsive, or at least not our shining happy selves c) we are all divinely complex and have many angles, like a captivating quartz. To recognise these multiple delights requires time.
2) I would be light and playful and curious – as opposed to desperate, lonely and glutinous
3) I would take sex out of it. I would take finding a husband, I mean boyfriend, boyfriend comes before husband (must remember this) out of the equation. I would focus on platonic. I would simply seek to be in the company of men.
The company of men.
I started thinking laterally.
Of course there were bars I could frequent – The Chapel was always teeming with them, and in my era Gypsy Tearoom’s man to woman ratio was a little low to be helpful, but the atmosphere was ‘everyone’s lounge’ enough to strike up casual and stimulating conversation whilst waiting for that beautiful zen tattooed fashion designer to pour the next glass of chilled rose petal Gewurtztraminer.
Laterally – soccer clubs, fishing competitions, rugby matches, running along the waterfront.
I found it difficult to get past ‘sporting’ opportunties.
There were the art gallery openings, theatre show openings, album launch parties.
Music gigs were a goodie.
And then there were the festivals.
F E S T I V A L S
They are gold to give someone the glad eye.
They are both day and night, so one supposedly starts sober and visible and softens into the intoxicated shadow of night.
They involve music, food, glorious natural settings, the sun, the moon, the rain(bows), the contagion of hype and the masses in joy.
They are like a well-fashioned story – existing with a beginning, a middle and an end making flirtation palatable and not infinite or frightening.
So far this story has been about a woman seeking a man. Do I need to point out the variations on this theme?
For marketing sake I’m going to flip this bad boy over.
You’re a man looking for a woman?
Tinder is your first stop?
I’m going to let you in on a secret.
It’s not entirely one, cos Harlan from Astrolabe Bar shares it with me. We divulged over the little YOGA festival poster and some double-sided tape one Wednesday morning.
Yoga girls are where it’s at.
Harlan reckons there’s a heap of them. They’re pretty. They’re yoga. They’re the antithesis of dysfunction.
And I tend to agree with him.
Yoga chicks wanna move their bodies.
Yoga chicks wanna shift their minds.
Yoga chicks wanna go someplace with their soul.
They’re actioning balance – care of Half Moon Pose (Ardha Chandrasana), Eagle pose (Garudasana), Tree Pose (Vrksasana), Warrior III Pose (Virabhadrasana III) without even mentioning those enduring head, hand and shoulder stands.
They’re stilling their beautiful minds and stretching and strengthening their dedicated bodies.
Yoga class, Yoga festivals, Yoga anywhere is a great where to pick up Yoga chicks.
Ten top reasons why you should go to yoga over tinder:
1) The ratio of women to men is favourable to men. It’s all about supply and demand.
2) There’s that infamous shoe zone upon arrival and before departure, perfect for gentle inquiring chit chat.
3) There’s a timetable to follow. We love consistency – takeaway joints are modelled on this fixation. Go every Tuesday night and that same chick may be there. Greater opportunities to bump into each other = greater probability of plucking up courage to ask her “Is she going to little YOGA festival, Mt Maunganui?”
4) You’re around sweat – an instant indicator if you’re made for one another in each other’s aroma.
5) The magnetism of moving in a communal space – like the club dance floor, but you’re conscious, in the light, making the complete experience humane, honest and adult and a delicious beginning to anything edible I mean favourable.
6) Yoga men are hotness to a woman. A trained mind and body is very attractive.
7) Broga is taking off around the world. Challenging relaxed rugged yoga classes for men, on custom made-for-men mats.
8) Google stalk these yoga greats Sebastian Arbondo. Alessandro Sigismondi, and closer to home Lucas Miles, Mark Robberds. You could be this awesome.
9) A yoga practice is a strong foundation for any harmonious relationship.
10) If you need evidence, go to little YOGA festival’s facebook page, to read about how Kristin and Chris Borchardts met and married through Yoga.
Maybe you’d like a novel way to kick-start your Yoga ‘career’?
Come to our 3 day little YOGA festival. 18-20 September 2015. Mt Maunganui.
If I sported a penis, I’d look at the acro-yoga classes on Saturday arvo, the hot-fusion class and Ashtanga classes on the Sunday morning.
I adore Ashtanga for its quick-to-build-strength sequences and powerful pace. Over the past 20 years I’ve seen more men in Ashtanga and Bikram (Hot Yoga) than in a Hatha or Vinyasa class. I describe to people Ashtanga has a strong pace, it generates energy and utilises one’s body weight to build muscle with multiple press-ups and jump-backs, relying on upper body core strength. I reckon these aspects and other make it ideal for every woman’s man.
Why not pull out all the stops and rave on Saturday night to YogaRhythms with the sexy goddesses that are Kara-Leah Grant and R.I.A. We’ll lend you a yoga mat.
All humans delight in seeing people being courageous and stepping into the unknown. It’s primal. We then feel safe with the knowledge someone will stand in the nothingness alongside us. This is power. This is carnal. This is attraction. Come men, come.
Book your tickets today: www.littleyogafestival.com
Photographer: Greta Kenyon