Let’s begin like a confessional.
I gave birth to the idea of a focus on sex, a sex talk about 10 weeks ago. It happened in the lounge, in a conversation with my husband’s mates, post beer and BBQ. Somehow we got to talking about pornography, most pertinently, about how many teenagers use pornography to ‘learn’ about sex. I said i’d do some research into whether there existed filmed sex where teens (and indeed all people) could learn (or up-skill) about sexual techniques. Once found i’d share these resources somewhere (now i realise here).
The confession? I have found many tit (oops typo) tidbits over the two months but i have felt nervous to share them in this environment.
Would my readers want to read about my findings on sex?
Would they want to be associated with such intimate and frank conversations?
Would i want to share this area of myself? Here?
Quite quickly i realised how paralysed many (most?) of us probably are in the area of sexuality. I recognised how silent we are, how many judgements, natured or nurtured opinions and identifications we have around it – S E X.
I found for these reasons i would share.
A Confessional this would not be – for what do we have to be ashamed or embarrassed of? Or at least, where does shame and embarrassment come from? In the shadows? Within the silence?
I have focused on sugar, I have focused on dying, I have focused on mindfulness and now it’s time to point the lens on S E X. Goodness it suits capitals, does it not?
Ran Gavrieli gave me extra bravado (not that i intend to impress or intimidate) but he says:
Silence never did us any good, because silence only perpetuates more silence when talking normally gives birth to more talking, more sharing, more identification, more awareness, more change. A small change, we have a small humble life, but real change, a true one, emotionally safer.
I dedicate these sex talk chapters to my teenage brother. Go well young and bold one.
Where shall i start?
Perhaps this is more of a directory with commentary if inspired.
Get to it woman.
Sexplanations: Video, Facebook, Tumblr, Responds to questions.
I first found Lindsey (Dr Doe) when she pretended to be a penis and wore her hoodie to indicate ‘her’ foreskin. I love her open-ness, her sense of the ridiculous and her doe-eyed-ness. She runs sexplanations. I can imagine this would be a great resource for teachers and parents of adolescents. Her kindness and sense of fun feels like it would appeal to young people and their shyness or awkwardness or nervous curiosity.
I’ve got this one on my to-do list:
Methinks i will wrap it up here and brave the rain and 11pm dark, and home to bed.
Thanks to Jon Randles, Viv Quinn, James Redwood for sharing your findings and my inspirational husband for telling me about London Real who told me about Esther Perel.