a favourite friend introduced me to Green Renaissance Films this week. her name is Contessa Gamble.
with a beautiful twist of manifestation i marvel that the vision of this African production company imitates a vision aforementioned compassion-filled-friend wants to enact. Tess of Tauranga watches an episode as her daily news, to remember a way some choose to see, to be, we.
i wonder if she will…create her own Aotearoa version?
here are the three I ‘binge’ watched yestereve.
momentous moments from the first ever with the lady and her bread…
“what’s the most painful thing for me? and actually i only realised it a few years ago…was when i denied myself to please other people.
i tried to be this other person that i though i had to be. like for instance being married i had to serve my husband and be submissive. sacrifice my onw wishes my own desires my own joys my own gut feel my own beliefs.
i thought that was what i was supposed to do.
cos i didn’t know myself.
my vision of who i was was so limited.
and also my children, even they were affected. the times where i was not myself, i also took the joy from them, because i hurt them denying my own motherhood, not trusting myself in my own motherhood.
and i would try to be a mother that i felt that somebody else wanted me to be – and then i wouldn’t be the right mother.
you never lose everything of yourself. you lose big parts or smaller parts of yourself. and i lost a very big part of myself. so that made me very sad and i found it very hard to forgive myself.
the reason i stayed married to my children’s father? because i thought it was wrong to get divorced.
i struggled so much with what is right and what is wrong. and i realised that’s not the question we must ask. because everybody’s right and wrong is different.
but what is love?
i think what is love is to live the life that is in you. if i do not love the life that is in me, how can i love anybody else? and if i have the life in me and i can share it, that must be love, i think.
i can’t tell you how grateful i am for my five children. the things they’re forgiven me. and i think them forgiving me, helped me to forgive myself.
i sometimes take my inner child also and say come, just come and sit on my lap.
and i allow myself to just breakdown a bit sometimes. and then, to say, you know, but you’re accepted, just totally accepted. all the judgement you have toward yourself, the condemnation and the expectations to just put that aside. to open a suitcase and put it in there, close it and decide i’m not taking out those expectations and all the judgement. i’m just going to sit here and love myself.
and when i realised i’m my very own person, i must allow that person to just live and taste life in everything.
where i have denied myself, i can sort of take back that time. i think we can catch up on life. it’s like, i lost this…but i can squeeze all that lost life and i can regain it here and pack it full.
i might have many dreams and i’ll see where life leads me.
i want to grow.
i want to keep growing in myself.
but while i’m here i really want to live life and life it fully.”